Rush Hour 3

No Review Available

*Note* Basically the same action comedy cliche as the first too.

***1/2 of *****

The Bourne Ultimatum

No Review Available

*Same old, ass kicking Bourne*

****1/2 of *****

The Simpsons Movie

At last, after nineteen glorious seasons, the hilarity that is the Simpsons has been made into a full length theatrical movie. The Simpsons Movie is everything you could possible hope for it to be, and more. After Homer over-pollutes the river with an overflowing silo of "Pig Crap", Springfield becomes becomes the most polluted town in the wold. This causes the EPA to encase the entire town into a glass dome. Homer and the family escape, and now they must find their way (around their own problems) to save Springfield before President Schwarzenegger orders for the annihilation of the town. Simpsons fans rejoice, the movie is far from a letdown. It will leave you rolling in your seat with laughter with the rapid amount of hilarious jokes and gags. What makes this more than a bunch of Simpsons episodes strung together (besides the screen and sound format) is the depth of character explored and the focus of the story. In addition, The Simpsons Movie is much more offensive than a typical episode, with much more language and sexual humor. Parents beware, it earns its PG-13 rating. Even if you aren't a hardcore fan of The Simpsons, you'll still love this fantastic, outrageous comedy.

****1/2 of *****

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is the 5th installment out of 7 in the story of Harry Potter. With the release of this film as well as the final literary installment of the series, 'Potter 'has received a great abundance of exposure (as if it needed it). In 'Phoenix', Harry and Dumbeldore are targeted by the Ministry of Magic after claiming (correctly) that the dark Lord Voldemort has been reborn. A sadistic member of the Ministry is installed in Hogwarts who slowly takes over the entire school. Meanwhile, a secret organization, the Order of the Phoenix, recruits Harry, and prepares for the Dark Lord's return. As the story gets darker, the films get better. This film (while it was not the best book in the series), is quite possibly the 'Potter' film yet. The teenage as well as adult cast excel while visuals and special effects are nothing less than top notch. While the film did do a good job making a page 896 book into a 2 hour and 15 minute movie, I do wish that it could have been longer to include more details and sub-plots which were cut either in post production or during the writing process. The explosive finale is incredible and will cast a spell on you throughout. 'Phoenix' is a must see for any 'Potter' fan, while others will still find it an enjoyable ride.


****1/2 of *****

See it in IMAX 3D if at all possible.

Live Free or Die Hard

Live Free or Die Hard is the fourth installment in the Die Hard series, starring Bruce Willis as the tough ass police detective John McClane. This time, McClane teams up with an internet hacker (Justin "Hello, I'm a Mac" Long) in attempts to take down some internet terrorist organization, whose goal is to destroy the entire United States economy. The whole plot moves quickly without giving the viewer much time to actually think about what's going on, and in actuality, just sets up the movies' next incredibly stunning, yet implausible action sequence. The action sequences are really what this movie is all about. No one comes into this movie theater for a clever script or Oscar material acting. They come to see Bruce Willis shoot people, run around, blow stuff up, and say "Yippy-yi-yay mother------" . And that's exactly what they receive. Shot as an R movie, Live Free or Die Hard was watered down in the editing room to obtain a more "family friendly" PG-13 rating. It's obvious where some of the choppy cuts are to blank out an F word or cut away right before the impact of a bullet. Even so, it does not become a children's movie. It's still bad ass, and Bruce Willis is still awesome. Keep an eye out for a great cameo of Kevin Smith as "The Warlock."


**** of *****

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End is the third installment in the 'Pirates' saga. Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) is stuck in Davy Jones' Locker, located somewhere off the map, for eternity. Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth (Keira Knightingly), and Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) must travel to this location and save our favorite pirate, in a plot that is somewhat overblown with too many characters, plot twists, and impulses of randomness. Besides being overloaded with just a little too much of everything, 'Pirates' is also much longer than necessary at a running time of nearly three hours. What powers 'Pirates' is not the plot, but the visuals. What's really amazing about the movie is use of special effects. From a ship full of Johnny Depp's to a climactic battle literally at the world's end, 'Pirates' never fails from continuously dropping the jaws of moviegoers. Though for me, the whole 'Pirates' idea is a little old, and with an ending implying a forth, it seems like money is all the franchise has in mind, I still enjoyed the movie thoroughly. The movie will make you want to doze off during any inaction, and want to wait for the action to start up again, but make sure that you don't doze off during the sessions of dialog, for you will find yourself quite lost. So pay attention, or after the movie you'll say to yourself, "Wait...what just happened!?" The bottom line is: 'At World's End' is better that 'Dead Man's Chest', but not as good as 'The Curse of the Black Pearl.'


***1/2 of *****

Hot Fuzz

From the creators of "Shaun of the Dead" comes "Hot Fuzz", a hilarious film that somewhat parodies buddy cop movies, and is filled with references to films like "Bad Boys II" and "Point Break". Just as in "Shaun of the Dead", "Hot Fuzz" starts of slow, and builds it's way up to a hilarious and amazing second half. It stars Simon Pegg as Nicholas Angel, a sergeant in the London police force who is reassigned for being too good, and making the other officers "look bad". But the small, innocent town of Sandford where Angel is reassigned to, turns out to be anything but that. After a series of grisly "accidents", Angel starts to believe there's something much bigger than than a few mishaps afoot. What you see in the trailer for "Hot Fuzz" is quite misleading actually, because most of it occurs in the first half of the movie. But after that, the movie takes a large turn into a completely different direction. That direction, which I'm not going to elaborate on, ends in a completely mind blowing conclusion, that you will not see coming. With that said, I would like to note that if you don't like British humor, you might want to stay clear of this one. I, myself, love British humor, and found the comedy aspect of this movie to be genius. In the middle, there are some scenes that drag a little, but it all builds up to the incredibly climactic ending. There's also quite a bit of graphic violence, though it is over-the-top. So if "Shaun of the Dead" was too violent, you may want to skip this one. And if you haven't seen "Shaun of the Dead", you should really check it out before going to see "Hot Fuzz". You will appreciate it much more. "Hot Fuzz" is an incredibly entertaining film. You will enjoy yourself so much, you just might explode.

****1/2

Blades of Glory

Will Ferrell and Jon Heder star as two rival Olympic ice skaters were stripped of their gold medals and permanently banned from men's single competition in "Blades of Glory", a hilarious slapstick comedy directed by Josh Gordon and Will Speck. A few years later however, the two skaters find a loophole that allows them to skate together in the men's pairs division. Ferrell and Heder work well together on screen (in more ways than one), and provide the majority of the humor in the movie. Will Arnett and Amy Poehler co-star, and are very funny in their supporting roles. I have to admit, I was a little skeptical coming into this movie, but I was pleasantly surprised. The movie is far from perfect, but you will find yourself laughing out loud constantly throughout the movie. Although the script is somewhat lacking, and the acting and directing won't win an Oscar any time soon, it is still a hilarious movie, even if you are not a huge fan of Ferrell or Heder. And for those of you who are homophobes...this movie is only a little bit gay.

**** of *****

Grindhouse

'Grindhouse' is a double feature recreating the experience of a 70's exploitation film grindhouse theater. It is made up of two films. The first is Planet Terror directed by Robert Rodriguez, and the second is called Death Proof which is directed by Quentin Tarantino.

Planet Terror

Planet Terror, directed by Robert Rodriguez (Sin City), is the better of the two movies. It is about El Wray (Freddy Rodriguez) and his go-go dancer (NOT stripper) ex-girlfriend Cherry Darling (Rose McGowan), who gets her leg bit off and eaten by zombie creatures referred to as "Sickos". The Sickos have broken out of their cages and have started infecting the entire town. With a machine gun/grenade launcher in place of her severed leg, Cherry must team up with her ex and the town's police station to defeat the Sickos and save their own lives. Planet Terror is bloody. Very bloody. In fact, the gore is so extreme that many will cringe and cover their eyes in many scenes. The violence is over-the-top though, so it's not too bad to endure at times. It is hard to label Planet Terror in one specific genre because it really doesn't belong to one. It's horror, action, sci-fi, comedy, and more. It is sick and twisted. Pure exploitation. The dialog is extremely cheesy, as is the whole film, really. But it is all done purposely to pay homage to similar B-movies of the past. Planet Terror is intense. It will make you laugh, cry, jump, cringe, cheer, and do god knows what else. It is great fun to watch. You will enjoy yourself throughout the entire fantastic film.

****1/2


Death Proof

Tarantino's "Death Proof" is about a psychotic ex TV stunt driver called Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell). He stalks his female victims with his "death proof" car. The girls that he stalks include characters played by Rosario Dawson (Sin City, Clerks II), Vanessa Ferlito (CSI:New York), Shannon Hazlett, Marcy Harriell, Zoe Bell, and Tracie Thoms. These women all play great roles and are interesting characters. The problem is, they talk. A lot. I don't have a real big problem with this, it is Tarantino's writing after all, which is usually fantastic. Parts of it are great. The dialog is fantastic and really roles in some parts, but in others, it gets somewhat tiresome and seemingly pointless. But enough about the dialog, lets talk about what we all came to the movie to see: the car chase scenes. The only thing more incredible than the car chase scenes, is the fact that they were done completely on location and for real. That means no stuntmen (except Stuntman Mike!) and no green screen. Tarantino, who admits he's a little fed up with the fakeness of today's car chase movie scenes, has taken it back to what it used to be: real cars, real people, real stunts, and only a few cameras set up, rather than an armada of cameras split a second a part from each other. And really, that is what makes "Death Proof" so fun to watch. Don't expect any serious conclusions or moral life lessons at the end though.

****

Fake Movie Trailers
Grindhouse features several fake movie trailers before Planet Terror and in between the two features. The first is "Machete", which is rumored to be made into a straight-to-DVD release. Other trailers include Eli Roth (Hostel)'s "Thanksgiving", Rob Zombie's "Werewolf Women of the S.S." (also rumored to be made into a full movie because Zombie says he's shot enough footage for the trailer to be made into a full length film), and Edgar Wright(Shaun of the Dead)'s "Don't!" All of these trailers are hilarious and serve as great comic relief between the films. Some are quite disturbing and feature extreme violence, language, and nudity even though they are only trailers. All of them can be found on Youtube.
****1/2


Full Experience

****1/2 of *****

300

Based on Frank Miller's graphic novel about the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 B.C., '300' tells the tale of King Leonidas' stand with 300 of his finest Spartan warriors against the massive and impenetrable force of Xerxes' Persian army. This over-stylized, but stunning interpretation of the event is not meant to be historically accurate. Director Zack Snyder based the movie off of Frank Miller's graphic novel. In fact, they are nearly identical frame-by-frame. The overall story is true, but the details have been altered quite a bit. But unless you are a history fanatic, that really shouldn't matter to you too much. The movie itself is visually stunning. Your jaw will hit the floor so many times, you'll loose count. '300' is an epic beyond epics. Using 90% blue screen, and 10% green screen, the creators of '300' opened a world of options for CGI graphics. The possibilities became virtually endless with today's technology. This is the future of computer animation in live action films. And the action in '300' is phenomenal. The choreography, camera work, and execution of the battles is mind-numbing. You will not see anything like it anywhere, anytime soon. '300' is near perfect. The only complaint that I could possibly have is the potentially right-wing conservative political view of writer Frank Miller. That aside, this as an amazing film, with not a dull minute through it's running time. I highly recommend it to action fans in particular, but really any mature movie audience. '300' is nothing short of a masterpiece.

P.S. Try to see it in IMAX. It is more worth it than you can imagine.

★★★★★ of ★★★★★

Screamers

The movie Screamers is a documentary/rockumentary that focuses on the Armenian Genocide of 1915, but also points out the atrocities that have occurred in other genocides through the present. Director Carla Garapedian follows System of a Down, an American rock band with Armenian ancestry, on their tour through the U.S. and Europe.
On their tour, System of a Down educates their audience of the horrors of the past. The Armenian Genocide today, is still not recognized by the Turkish government, its perpetrators. On April 24th, the anniversary of the Armenian Genocide, System of a Down's front man Serj Tankian made his message clear. On stage before the screaming fans, he shouts, "Tonight is not just the 90th anniversary of the Armenian Genocide, it's also time to break down all the walls of hypocrisy around the world with all genocides known and unknown, accepted or not accepted. It's time to make the Turkish government... to pay for their f***ing crime!" SOAD then proceeded to play their song P.L.U.C.K., which stands for Politically Lying Unholy Cowardly Killers (referring of course to the Turkish government). Half of the film is concert footage from SOAD's tour, and the other half is some very graphic footage of genocide, and interviews from researchers, survivors, etc. Most notable of these is Serj Tankian's grandfather, one of the few living survivors of the Armenian Genocide. In addition to the fact that the Armenian Genocide is still denied by the Turks today, another reason that this film is so important, is that right now there is genocide occurring in Darfur. Some of the images in Screamers are very graphic, and hard to watch, however, it is necessary that people be exposed to the truth. This is an incredibly powerful and important film. A lot of people haven't heard of this film because of it's limited release and exposure. It's a real shame because it really is an amazing film. It also helps a lot if you're a System of a Down fan.

★★★★★ of ★★★★★

View The Trailer: Click Here!

The Pursuit of Happyness

Inspired by true events, The Pursuit of Happyness follows the story of a struggling salesman (Will Smith), who takes custody of his son after his wife leaves, and tries to work his way up to becoming a stockbroker through internship. Faced with a nearly empty bank account, he must try to care for his son the best he can, and pray that his hard work will pay off, and give him the job that will save his life, all in the pursuit to find happiness. Will Smith has come a long way since The Fresh Prince of Bell-Air. This appears to be his shoot for an Academy Award, and his phenomenal acting is definitely worth an Oscar nomination. The story is very emotionally moving, and truly inspiring, however, at times it is quite depressing and drags a little bit. There is a little humor thrown in here and there, but for the most part, the film is quite serious. The viewer really becomes attached to Smith's character, and the movie makes you root for him to succeed all the way through. Although you could call The Pursuit of Happyness a "feel-good" movie, for the most part it is on the depressing side. Despite that, it is a great story, told wonderfully by top-notch acting.

★★★★ of ★★★★★

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

First off, I'd like to say that Borat was an awfully unfunny movie............NOT! Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, or simply Borat, is a comedy and fake documentary or "mockumentary" if you will, about fake TV journalist, Borat (Sacha Baron Cohen), who travels to the United States, and meets real people in real situations to film for his documentary in order to gain cultural learnings for his home land of Kazakhstan. The character of Borat is genious. The movie of Borat is hillarious. It is one of the funniest, if not the funniest movies of the year. I guarantee that you will be laughing for the majority of the movie. Despite me already hearing half the jokes from people that have already seen it, the movie is still insanely funny. It's a little hard to decipher between what is real, and what is staged, but it doesn't really matter, because either way, you'll be pissing yourself with laughter. I feel obligated to warn you: there is a naked wrestling scene that is very graphic and more disgusting than many of the things that you can find on the internet. Although nauseatingly nasty, it is one of the funniest parts of the movie, except possibly the scene involving Pamela Anderson and Borat's attempt for her to be his bride.

★★★★★ of ★★★★★

Casino Royal

Casino Royal is the 21st James Bond film, however, chronologically, it is the first. It takes place before the first Bond film, Dr. No, and yet it references 9/11, and the characters have cell phones and other things that make it out to be a 21st century film. Daniel Craig takes on the role of James Bond for the first time. The shoes of Bond are huge ones to fill, but Craig takes on the role with great intensity and is very successful at becoming the beloved character. That being said, it is still a little strange to see a new face as the familiar character. Casino Royale shows how James Bond became 007, and his first mission for MI6 as a Double 0 agent. Bond must join a high-stakes poker tournament at the Casino Royale, to stop an evil banker (Mads Mikkelsen) from winning the large prize money and using it to fund terrorist activities. Eva Green plays the main Bond Girl in Casino Royale, Vesper Lynd. Lynd is an agent from the HM Treasury who is assigned to keep an eye on Bond and manage his funds. Although disappointing to see no Q gadgets or big climatic showdown against the villain, the film proves it still to be a Bond movie with heart-pumping action sequences, harrowing car chases, and beautiful women. There certainly are some amazing action scenes in Casino Royale. Most notably the mind-blowing chase scene with the free-running African and the fight in the building in the city of Venice. Daniel Craig is not the best Bond. Connery will always have that status. But Craig takes a solid second behind him. Daniel Craig is the next Bond, and it appears that he is here to stay.

★★★★1/2 of ★★★★★

Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny

Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny tells the fictional tale of the formation of the band Tenacious D and their quest to find the Pick of Destiny, a guitar pick with supernatural powers made from the tooth of Satan himself (played by Dave Grohl). JB (Jack Black) and KG (Kyle Gass), joined together by fate, must travel to the Rock N' Roll Museum and steal the Pick of Destiny to become the greatest band on earth. The movie is hillarious and delievers non-stop laughs. Jack Black and Kyle Gass work perfectly together, having been real life friends and co-workers for over 20 years. The film is in part, a musical. All (or most) of the music was written and performed by The D. All of the songs are new material and many of them are classic. The soundtrack is definitely worth checking out. This film will be mostly appreciated by fans of Tenacious D, but if you are not a fan of The D, I still think you will enjoy the movie. If you are a fan of the D, then you must see this movie. The acting isn't as bad as you may think, and the laughs and crudeness never stop coming. I highly recommend this movie to anyone looking to get their socks rocked off and laugh as hard as they have laughed in a long time. Look out for cameos by Dave Grohl, Ronnie James Dio, Meatloaf, Ben Stiller, Amy Poehler, Tim Robbins, John C. Reilly, and Neil Hamburger. Also, stay tuned for an extra scene after the credits. If your are not a big fan of Tenacious D or Jack Black, than you may not fully get my five star rating. But if you're a fan of the D, you'll understand.

★★★★★ of ★★★★★ (If you're a fan of Tenacious D)

The Departed

The Departed is a superb film which takes place in an Irish neighborhood in South Boston. Matt Damon stars as Colin Sullivan, a young criminal working for Frank Costello, an Irish mafia figure played by Jack Nicholson. Costello assigns Sullivan to infiltrate the Boston police department. Leonardo DeCaprio plays a member of the Boston police department, who simultaneously is assigned to infiltrate the mob syndicate run by Costello. Both the mob syndicate and the police department soon realize there's a mole in their organization. Both mole's paths cross in a fantastic, interesting, and somewhat complicated and violent tale of deceit, murder, and mayhem. The Departed is filled with great lead actors as well as supporting actors such as Mark Wahlberg, Alec Baldwin, Martin Sheen, and Anthony Anderson. All of the actors are at the top of their game in this film, and Martin Scorsese deserves an Oscar as Best Director, which he will most likely win. This is one of the best films of the year. This is what going to the movies is all about.

★★★★★ of ★★★★★

Gridiron Gang

Gridiron Gang is about a bunch of felons at a juvenile detention center and how their camp officer Sean Porter (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson), and his friend Malcolm Moore (Xzibit) turn the teenage criminals into football players in a matter of weeks. Confronted with gang rivalries between his teammates, Porter attempts to teach the kids self-respect and responsibility. The rock tries really hard to be inspiring, but the fact is, he really isn't that good of an actor, neither is Xzibit, or anyone else in this movie for that matter. There's a good amount of football, shown in the movie, which I enjoyed, but off the field the movie dragged. The 'intense' gang rivalries weren't really that interesting, and seemed all too familiar. There are so many other football movies out there that are much better than this. I recommend watching Remember the Titans or Friday Night Lights. Both of those movies complete the job this movie tried really hard, but didn't succeed to do.

★★1/2 of ★★★★★

The Wicker Man

The Wicker Man is a "horror/thriller" starring Nicolas Cage, who has just dropped a few notches in my book for making this movie. He plays a cop investigating the disappearance of a little girl who lives on an strange island. He gets there and finds theres a bigger mystery involving the weird natives of the island. This plot may sound okay on paper, but on screen it seems like the dumbest concept ever. The plot is filled with gaping holes bigger than the grand canyon, and the acting is so horrific, it is probably the scariest part of the movie. At first the movie doesn't seem that bad, but as the story progresses, it gets progressively worse. It gets to a point where you question if they're actually being serious. At about half way through the movie, I was chuckling a bit, but by the 'climax' of the movie, I was nearly on the floor of the theater, rolling around with uncontrollable laughter. Whether Cage was screaming at 10 year old girls that they're liars, or was running around in a bear suit and roundhouse kicking women, you will be laughing so hard at how bad, and unitentionally funny the movie is. To be honest, this is one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my entire life. The tagline is "Some Sacrifices Must Be Made". Trust me, and don't 'sacrafice' your time, or money on this absolutely atrocious movie.

★1/2 of ★★★★★... for making me laugh.

Crank

Crank is a high paced, action packed thriller starring Jason Statham as Chev Chelios, a hitman, who wakes up one day to find out that he's been injected with a Chinese poison that will constantly drop his heart rate until he's dead. Chelios must 'crank' his adrenaline level up in anyway possible (i.e. energy drinks, cocaine, and public sex with his girlfriend (Amy Smart)), while trying to find an antidote and track down the bad guys who injected him (Think 'Speed' but with a person!). Statham fits the role perfectly and takes you on an extreme and mind-blowing ride that never looks back. The camera work and overall style in the film is very unique and highly resembles that of Tarantino's Natural Born Killers. The plot runs a little thin at times, but the constant action and entertainment value makes up for it. This is definitely a 'guy' film. I wouldn't recommend taking a girl to this movie at all (some exceptions of course). In some aspects, it's a little like the Transporter movies with a hard R rating. In other aspects, it's almost 'Grand Theft Auto: The Movie'. If you're looking for a fast ride with tons of action (and plenty of violence, sex, language and drugs), Crank will give you exactly what you're looking for.


★★★★ of ★★★★★

Snakes on a Plane

The internet buzz has been hyping this movie for ages and finally, Snakes on a Plane reaches the big screen. Samuel L. Jackson took a chance by immediately signing on to this movie after hearing the title, without even glancing at the script, and thank God he did, because without him, I'm not sure anyone would spend thier money for a ticket to SoaP.
The plot well, do I really have to tell you? I mean seriously, the title pretty much says it all. However there is a reason for them being there. An assassin wants to eliminate a witness (Nathan Phillips) who is traveling on the red eye flight from Hawaii to LA being escorted by FBI agent Nelville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson). That's it. There's your plot.
The movie doesn't take itself too seriously. It's more funny than it is scary. The movie can't really decide whether or not it wants to be serious. Even so, I think the action and the humor blend very well. As you may have guessed from the blatant title, the movie is pretty corny. The acting isn't top notch (except for Jackson, of course), and the script has a plot hole or two (like how they managed to get the snakes through airport security). But it's quite obvious they weren't aiming for an Academy Award winning movie, but possibly a Teen Choice or MTV Movie Award winning movie because I think the teen audience will appreciate this movie the most. Snakes on a Plane is more entertaining than you can imagine. Watching the snakes slithering around and attacking people in various (and sometimes gruesome) ways and places is incredibly fun to watch. Snakes on a Plane was suprisingly better than I thought it would be, and I had very high expectations for it. I highly recommend seeing this movie.
I am really glad that they decided to make it an R movie rather than PG-13. The snake gore and famous line from Samuel L. Jackson: "I've had it with these motherf***ing snakes on this motherf***ing plane!" was just majorly needed. After Jackson's classic line, the theater erupted with applause, shouting, and laughter. Someone actaully stood up and gave a standing ovation. This is one of the reason why I would highly recommend seeing it in theaters with at least a few friends. It is much more fun to watch it in a room full of people. If you watch it at home by yourself on DVD, you may be a tiny bit dissapointed. So definitely go see it on the big screen.
Snakes on a Plane is fantastic popcorn, cheese ball fun. So "Sit Back. Relax. And Enjoy The Fright!"

★★★★1/2 of ★★★★★

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

My Super Ex-Girlfriend is not the type of movie I would typically go to the theater to see, being it a romantic comedy, but I made an exeption, partly because Uma Thurman, one of my favorite actresses is in it. The movie is about a man named Matt Sounders (Luke Wilson), who meets a woman named Jenny Johnson (Uma Thurman) while on a subway train. She rejects him at first, but then decides to go out with him after he saves her from a petty theif. After a week or two of dating, she feels she is in love with him and decides to reveal her deep secret...she is actually G-Girl, a spandex clad, crime fighting superhero. Days later, Matt decides to break up with her because she's too "needy, controlling, and jealous". Jenny is not a good sport about it, and decides to take revenge on him by using her superpowers to make his life a living hell. Going into this movie, I did not have really any expectations for it. It was however, better than I expected. Thurman and Wilson had good chemistry on screen and there were some very crazy scenes that were quite enjoyably to watch, particulary a sex scene that takes place in mid air thousands of feet above New York City. Being it a comedy, not a superhero movie, I think it could've had a little more humor. Parts of it were quite silly and parts were a little corny or even lame, but it is still a pretty enjoyably movie. I would recomend a dvd rental of it, but I wouldn't waste nine bucks at the movies for it.

★★★1/2 of ★★★★★

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is the long anticipated sequal of the 2003 hit movie. The plot centers around Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp). He owes his soul to Davy Jones (Bill Nighty), who is the Captain of the ghostly Flying Dutchman ship. Sparrow must find a way to evade this eternal damnation with the help of Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightly). This sequal is nowhere near par of the first one. It's running time is unnecessarily long at 2 and a half hours. It lacks the originality and humor of the first movie and just brings you on a ride that looks promising, but takes you absolutely nowhere. Sure, there's plenty of chaos and sword fights and running around, which is entertaining, but to an extent. However, there are some quite enjoyably scenes and in general as movie, it isn't bad at all. But with the expectations that came from the first one, it was just disappointing to me. It's an o.k. movie. A decent rental. Nothing more.

★★★ of ★★★★★

Superman Returns

Superman returns to the big screen with flashing colors and multi-million dollar special effects. In "Superman Returns", Brandon Routh fills the large shoes of Superman/ Clark Kent, and he does so well, although not as well as the late Christopher Reeve. Kevin Spacey takes on the notorious role of Lex Luthor, made famous by the legendary Gene Hackman. In the beginning, Superman returns to Earth from being in space for six years, investigating whether he is really the last of the Kryptons. When he finally returns, he finds that Lois Lane, the love of his life, has moved on and now has a fiancé and a son. Lex Luthor, Superman’s old nemesis has devised a mastermind plan to wipe out most of the United States to create his own new continent with a crystal that came from Superman's home planet Kyripton. Superman must figure out a way to stop Lex Luthor, and at the same time win the heart of Lois Lane. Neither of these are an easy task...even for Superman. The movie as a whole is very entertaining. The movie seems to rely more on the visuals than on the drama, considering Superman gets very few speaking lines. I was a little dissapointed about the lack of fighting scenes between Superman and villains. There was plenty of flying around in the clouds, but very little, if not no combat. There was really only one scene that brought the movie past the PG realm and into PG-13. Also the movie was a little bit longer than necessary, with a running time of over 2 and a half hours. The movie had it's moments, but there were a few that didn't seem needed in the final cut. It's very interesting to see an updated version of the world of Superman with state-of-the-art special effects, however it has some flaws like the above and also the poor casting and directing of Lois Lane, who brought pretty much nothing to the table above standing around. Don't get the wrong idea though. It is still a very good movie, and visually amazing, but it's not by any means perfect. Even so, Superman will always marvel the audience. No matter what.

★★★★ of ★★★★★

X-Men: The Last Stand

X-Men: The Last Stand (directed by Brett Ratner) was supposedly (as the title implies) the last movie in the X-Men series. However, it has been confirmed that there will be an X-Men 4 and maybe even an X-Men 5. Anyway let's get to the actual review. In this movie, the goverment has found a 'cure' for the mutants which instantaneously turns them human. As in the first two X-Men movies, Magneto (Ian McKellen) and Professor Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart) have opposing views to the situation. Magneto believes in a violent revolution against the humans. Meanwhile, Proffesor X wants to reason with the goverment and wishes for tolerance between mutants and humans. Dr. Jean Grey (Famke Janssen) who apparently died in X2 is ressurected. But now, she has more power than even she can control and is a threat to herself and everyone around her. She is now known as the Dark Phoenix. Wolverine (Hugh Jackman at his best), Storm (Halle Berry), and the rest of the Professor's crew must make a stand against Magneto and his powerful army. This movie is very entertaining. The mutant action is very thrilling and very fun to watch. The state-of-the-art special effects create mind blowing visuals. The fantastic visuals are the best during an incredible sequence involving the Golden Gate Bridge. However, I think the movie was a little too short considering how much more could have been done. There were so many new (like the cult favorite Juggernaut) (and old) characters with stories that could have been and should have been further devloped. The whole movie seemed it was a little rushed to the ultimate battle at the end. That being said, it was still a very good movie and has a few shocking and heartbreaking moments that are quite unexpected. All in all dispite some minor flaws, this is a great movie and is absurdly entertaining. I highly recomend it to almost any audience.
p.s. Stay tuned after the credits for a short but vital plot twist!
★★★★1/2
Four and a Half of Five Stars

Mission: Impossible III

Ah, the first Hollywood Blockbuster movie of the 'summer', and boy does it deliver! J.J. Abrams directs and Tom Cruise stars in this thrilling, fast paced action thriller. J.J. Abrams makes his big screen directorial debut in the highest costing movie for a first time big screen director (over $150 Million). Abrams, who is famous for his achievements in the television shows Alias and Lost, brings a little of Alias along with him in M:I III, including an opening sequence which highly resembles the very first episode of Alias. Tom Cruise delivers as usual, reprising his role as Ethan Hunt from the first two 'M:I' films. Philip Seymour Hoffman is also excellent in his supporting role as the villain. However, there could have been a few more scenes with him considering he is an Oscar winning actor. Simon Pegg ("Shaun of the Dead") brings comic relief as the 'Marshall Flinkman' ("Alias") like character, a tech geek working for IMF (Impossible Mission Force). Also co-starring is Ving Rhams, Keri Russell, and Laurence Fishburne. As far as the action goes, you won't be disappointed. There are multiple stunts and action sequences which are extreamly thrilling and leave the viewer breathless. Although there's a ridiculous amount of action, Abrams as usual brings emotion into the picture as well. The action and drama blend well into a very impressive movie. This 'popcorn' movie is a little cheesey, but in this case, the cheese goes well with the popcorn.
Mission: Accomplished.
★★★★1/2 Four and a Half of Five Stars

Scary Movie 4

Scary Movie 4 is basecally what you'd expect it to be. Pretty funny visual gags and crude jokes. In this movie, War of the Worlds, Saw, The Grudge, and The Village are spoofed, along with other spoofs weaved in. Do not go to this movie if you are looking for a strong script or powerful acting. You will find neither of those here. However, the crude jokes are for the most part, very funny although at sometimes, predictable. If you havn't seen the movies that they parody, then the chances are, you won't really fully appretiate the movie. Anna Faris repraises her role as Cindy Campell and Craig Bierko plays Tom Cruises character from War of the Worlds. Regina Hall myseriosly comes back from her apparent death in Scary Movie 3. There are a bunch of cameos including Shaq and Dr. Phil. Other actors include Carmen Electra, Charlie Sheen, Anthony Anderson, Chris Elliot, and Leslie Nielsen. Although most of the humor is slapstack and a little immature and repetitive, it is also frequently hillarious.
Bottom Line: Better than Scary Movie 2. Not quite as good as Scary Movie 1. About the same as Scary Movie 3.
**** 4 of 5 Stars ****....well now that I think of it, probably closer to 3 and a half...

Date Movie

Date Movie is one of the worst movies I've seen in a LONG time. It was absolutly terrible. The jokes were flat 90% of the time and unnecisarily gross. The Kill Bill spoof was kinda funny and Sophie Monk and Carmen Electra were effective eye candy, but pretty much everything else was just god awfull. There was no plot. Only attempts of spoofs of 'Date Movies' (though some of them wern't really date movies: Kill Bill, King Kong, Napoleon Dynamite etc.). Wheather you're watching Alyson Hannigan pop a disgusting zit or watching Eddie Griffin gag on a sweaty chest hair ball, you'll be nearly puking and certainly not laughing. Maybe they needed the other four writers from Scary Movie, because the writing was that of an immature rodent. This movie blows. I'd rather sit at home and watch the paint peel of my balls...er I mean the um...walls.

1 of 5 Stars (And I'm Being Generous)

The Producers

The Producers is not like any other movie you'll see in this day in age. It's (gasp) a musical! Yes, it's a musical with full dance numbers. And it's great. It's refreshing to see something new even though, it is (sigh) another remake. It is so outrageous that can't not be written by Mel Brooks. I mean really "Springtime for Hitler"! Wow, genius. The story is about a Brodway producer Max Bialystock (Nathan Lane) and his accountant Leo Bloom (Matthew Broderick). They find out that in theory one could make more money putting on a flop than a hit. So they go on a mission to find the worst play, the worst director,and the worst actors to put on the worst Brodway performance of all time. They stumble accross a play called 'Springtime for Hitler' and the hilarity ensues. And the addition of Will Ferrell as the leiderhosen clad former Nazi playwriter Franz Liebkind just makes it all that funnier. The acting is extreamly over the top but then again it is that way in all most musicals. I highly enjoyed it though. Most of the humor is slapstick but it's pretty witty too. It also features 'Beautiful Girls Wearing Nothing But Pearls' and Uma Thurman in a scantly clad dress (see above). That all adds to the final result which is.
4 & 1/2 of 5 Stars

King Kong

King Kong is not your average movie remake. Everything about this movie is incredible. I was absolutly blown away. The fight scene between Kong and the multible T-Rex's was the best fight scene I've seen since the Matrix. The special effects were amazing. Many kudos to Peter Jackson and the special effects crew . Much of Naomi Watts' acting was either screeming or looking bewildered, but she did it very well. Jack Black's presence alone brought humor to this action adventure. The scenes with Kong and Watts were emotionally compelling. The natives of the Island were really freeky. With the first little girl and Naomi Watts, it was like the Ring all over again. But for some reason the natives kinda disappeared after Watts was taken by Kong. The only part I would have changed was I would show how they got Kong on the ship and back to New York. But the scenes in New York that followed made me completely forget about that. The Empire State Building sequence was mind blowing. Extreamly Impressive. This is most likely the best movie I've seen this year. The eighth wonder of the world is truely wonderous. It was beauty that killed the beast....
***** five of five stars *****

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is a good movie. The acting is impressive giving that the actors who play students have never acted in anything before this series ever (few exeptions). It has a good mix of action and special effects and living life as a teenager. I was however disappionted on the quantity of content left out that was in the book: The Dursly's, Dobby, The Quidditch World Cup (they never actually showed the game), Karkarof's Fleeing at the end, Hagrid's Blast Ended Screwts, and probly many more things that I can't remeber. The maze sequence was a little messed up cuz they didn't have the 30 foot spider or any creatures or spells to test the contestants skills, they simply had the maze try to eat them or somthing, I dunno. The climatic grave yard scene wasn't exactly as I expected it, but still extreamly good, exciting, and suspensful. I'm glad they decided to go all out and make this installment PG-13 because if they hadn't, the grave yard scene would have been pretty crappy. I think they should have made it longer, or even into 2 parts to extend and add some scenes like with the Dursly's, the World Cup, and the Veritiserum scene with Crouch Jr./Moody. I saw it in IMAX which made it better than it probably was (big ass screen, and 12,000 watt surround sound system). If you're a die hard potter fan, you'll be a little dissapointed, but this is a very, very good movie. See it.
4 and 1/2 of Five Stars

The Boondock Saints

The Boondock Saints is a lesser known movie than most, but I have absoutley no idea why. This movie is incredible and one of my top five favorite movies of all time. It's a bit Tarantino-esque. It has really no big stars except for Willem Dafoe (Norman Ozbourne/ Green Goblin - Spider-Man). He isn't the main character though. Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus star as two highly religious Irish men who believe they're on a mission from God. They decide to track down all the low life's and mafia members and criminals in South Boston (Yeah, that's right. It's filmed in Boston), and fuckin shoot the shit outta them. An FBI agent (Dafoe) is on their trail. But he believes what they do is right. He has to make a decision on weather he wants kill them...or join them. David Della Rocco co-stars. You havn't heard of him because this is the only movie he has ever been in. Not sure why. He doesn't act like a rookie. He acts like a pro. It also co-stars Billy Connolly (Series of Unfortunate Events), and Ron Jeremy (yeah that's right, the porn star). Don't worry though. He doesnt fuck anyone(exept himself once, but it isnt that graphic). The quotes from this film are classic. Some of my favorites are:
Murphy: We're sorta like 7-Eleven. We're not always doing business, but we're always open."
Rocco: "Shut your fat ass, Rayvie! I can't buy a pack of smokes without runnin' into nine guys you've fucked!"
Rocco: "Fucking... What the fuck. Who the fuck fucked this fucking... How did you two fucking fucks...FUCK!" Connor: "Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word. "
And the prayer on the picture below:


***** 5 of 5 Stars *****

Serenity

Serenity is a movie based on a TV show that was cancelled after 7 episodes, so naturally, I wasn't expecting much. However, i was pleasantly suprised. The beginning cought my attention, the middle was a tiny bit tedious (that means boring for all u idiots reading this) but not too bad. But the ending sequence(s) were very thrilling. The film is actually quite funny, which I completely wasn't expecting. Including the captain saying via intercom to the entire crew, "We'll be experiencing some slight turbulance and then, uh...explode". I was LMAO. The plot is about a space captain and his crew. They transport people through space and this time, their passangers are a doctor and his telepathic and kinda mentally wack sister. The bad guys are a group called the Allience (wow, never heard that one before), a goverment system that's outta control. Their leader kinda reminds me of a young Morpheus (from the Matrix).The reavers are also bad guys and they are cannibalistic humans who have gone completely fuckin crazy. The crew of the Serenity ship rebel against the bad guys. Guess what happens.

Three and a half/Four outta Five Stars

Pulp Fiction

Pulp Fiction is the second film by Quintin Tarintino and probably the best. It follows two hitmen (left) (John Travolta & Samuel L. Jackson) and their crime boss' wife (Uma Thurman). It follows two different stories within the movie. They eventually link though. This is one of the best movies ever made. My only regret, is that I hadn't seen it earlier, however I could have done without the gay rape scene...

***** 5 of 5 stars *****

Team America: World Police

If you havn't seen Team America: World Police, u need to kill yourself (or go to the nearest video rental store and rent it). It is one of the most funny and hillariously pollitically incorrect movies of all time. It has an awsome soundtrack including the hillarious and soon to be classic America, Fuck Yeah! and Everyone's got Aids! And on top of it all, it's with puppets! If you liked the South Park movie, you'll love this. If you didn't like the South Park movie, you''ll still love this. The only people who won't love this movie are people who are easily offended or aren't even remotly familiar with politics or pop culture. If you're one of those people, you can go fornicate yourself with an iron stick, then choke on a cock and die.
4 1/2 of 5 Stars
The greatest site ever, Break.com has provided internet users with a hillarious music video of America, Fuck Yeah! Be sure to book mark it because you'll want to watch it over and over again. Waring: It conains strong language and some nudity, but if you're one of the people who are offended by that, please see the above. Here's the link: Click Here
FUCK YEAH!

Transporter 2

I Just saw the movie Transporter 2. It was awsome and in my opinion, better than the original. The acting wasn't incredible and the plot was a little familiar, but the action was so mind-blowing that it completly over took it. This movie is full of unbelievable stunts and is ridiculiously entertaining. I highly recomend it to anyone who's looking for a good time at the movies.
4 outta 5 *'s